Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Why He's My Beloved

I've been hard on him the last couple of posts, so I want to take a moment and say: I chose rightly, and I know it regardless of day, climate, or season. I never not know it. I wake up knowing it, and I fall asleep knowing it. I feel it in the marrow of my bones and in the bright center of my heart.

I asked God to send the right man, and God responded by sending Jim. A second time.

I don't always agree with Jim. I don't always like what he has to say. If I were the head of this here household, I would--at times--run it differently. I would definitely spend money differently.

But here's the thing about Jim: no matter what or when, I know he has my best interest--and the best interest of our family--at heart. He's present: here with us unless he's out there earning a living for us. He's sober, watchful. He's wise in ways I'm not. He's more cautious, discerning, frugal than I.

Also, Jim holds me accountable, which is a really nice way of saying: he calls me out on my crap. He asks me, very often, to consider what my behavior and words reveal of my heart.

I hate that.

But. I am absolutely, unequivocally closer to God because of it: because Jim will only put up with but so much nonsense. He's not going to give our children and me enough rope to hang ourselves.

Watch my children breathe. Watch me breathe, freely as ever I have breathed. We are so loved.

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