Friday, September 16, 2011

Stepping Out a Hot Mess

True story.

A few months ago, I was reading a post on one blog, when a link to another blog--a blog I did not follow--caught my eye. I clicked on the link and landed at the top of a post full of beautiful photos. Somewhere in the middle of it, the blogger happened to mention: she and her family were preparing to move to Virginia.

And I knew.

Virginia is a big state, but I knew this family would be moving to my part of Virginia. I knew I hadn't just happened upon this blog (of all the kazillion blogs out there), at this particular moment, by accident. I knew I was supposed to reach out, and right away.

I'm not going to lie: I was concerned about coming across as a scary, stalker person, and I admitted as much.

When I reached out, anyway.

I'm celebrating as I type this, because I don't know that five years ago--even if I'd recognized the whisperings of the Holy Spirit--I would've reached through and past my insecurities and misgivings, and out to Becky. I do know: the likelihood of my immediate response would have rested at approximately 1%. Perhaps I'm being generous.

I've come a long way. And let me be clear: I'm not celebrating myself. I'm celebrating God, Who--in response to my offering my life--has taken in His firm grip the same, old heart He's had since I was eight years old and squeezed it, stretched it.

I'm celebrating God, Who's pointed me in some directions that made me feel uncomfortable. Who's met me as I've stepped out in faith (even if also with trepidation) and made everything at least ok, if not great.

When I step out in faith, I'm rewarded, every time, with a deep-seated peace in my heart. Whatever transpires (the stepping out and the rewarding) is between God and me. I'm careful not to look to another person to pat me on the back or even acknowledge my works. I don't expect to see results. I just sow seeds.

But Becky has this rare quality in that--right in front of me--she catches the seeds I sow, opens her hand to prove it, and drops them down into her camera bag. After reaching into her pocket, pulling out some seeds of her own, and--with a big smile--tossing them in my direction.

Click here to read Becky's version of our time together, this morning, and to enjoy her beautiful photos. I have none; I've managed to shut down two point-and-clicks in the past three months. One with sand. One (today) with some sinful, pumpkin-spice something or other from Starbucks.

Please note: I'm not responsible enough for a "real" camera.

Also note: I will not be directing you to another of my rear views until I have shed at least twenty pounds.

All kidding aside, I wonder: are you dragging your feet, just now, in response to the Lord? Why? Do you feel inadequate? I know just how you feel! Really, I do! I've made so many mistakes in my lifetime, and even now--as I walk more closely to God than ever--I'm a hot mess. My house is a mess. My minivan's a mess. Sometimes I neglect to comb my hair. Sometimes I wear my penguin pj pants to Martin's. I walk around, very often, with someone else's food on my shirt. My Ana Bana Beana Wild Orange MeMe screeches in public, sometimes, and sometimes she bites, smacks, and pulls hair.

And you know what? God uses me anyway! Because He can make something beautiful out of a hot mess! He's big and powerful and clever like that! Try Him; you'll see, and you'll wonder why it took you so long to just go for it. Penguin pj pants and all.

photobucket photo

You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness! Matthew 25:23b, NIV

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