Monday, October 8, 2012

The Boy

"That little feller reminds me of me, when I was his age," he says, and I know he's talking--at least in part--about the weight, but he adds: "I remember Mom cutting my hair from under a bowl she'd stuck on my head."

I've thought many times, over the years: I would've loved Jimmy as a little boy; I know I would've.

He was 23 (almost or freshly) when I met him but still very much a boy: no pot to piss in. He borrowed money from one of buddies to buy me two roses. He had a box of sidewalk chalk, a box of Snow White Valentines like what little girls swap with their friends, pumpkin-carving skills. He gave me the up-n-down in class and didn't care a bit to bellow his love for me across the commons.

I played him hard, and finally he took off for Disney World. He didn't come back to me for a dozen years; I'm not even kidding you.

When he came back, at last, he came back a man.

Lately, though (as he loses weight rapidly), I've seen glimpses of the boy again. Overall, I can't say I've been terribly amused: probably because I can't even locate my inner girl at the moment. She might be lost in a pile of dirty laundry, or she might be trapped behind this guy:

Not sure, but I find: I don't really want Jim out of my sight. I leaned across the bar, last night, and told him: "I'm always afraid you won't come back. Or that you won't want to."

I listened from bed, this morning, to his doling out vitamins and juice to the girls (who sound, afar, just like Minnie Mouse). He climbed the stairs, crawled in beside, and said: "They're watching cartoons, but you've only got about ten minutes before they get into some craziness."

I laughed, assured him I was awake before pulling him close and breathing him (fresh from the shower) in. I asked him to stay, but he had a meeting, so I listened to his goodbyes with the girls, also to the squeak and click of the door.

And I wonder if he understands how much of me he takes with him, when he goes, how he is the axis upon which I (big and round as a library globe) spin.

**My thanks to Amber Haines for the prompt. Pleased to share with her and her community.


  1. Oh, Brandee. So much I know here. My husband, too, a boy when I met him. He, too, left and came back a man. He, also, the axis. I love the way you moved in and through and outside of time here. The way you proclaimed the good of being cared for by this loving man, in good glimmers still boy.

  2. Such precious words, Brandee and an adoring heart :o) I am working on finding my inner girl again, too...isn't it a scary, but exciting process! {{hugs}}

  3. Sweet love story for your husband and a celebration of marriage and family. Take care, friend.

  4. This was pure awesomeness! A real piece of art. There was so much detail in it that it felt like it was longer...obviously you were choosing perfect words wisely. Love it!

  5. Thank you for sharing your lovely story and release as he must go - - and then return.

  6. beautiful girl! i think you have nothing to ever worry about. i bet you are the sun, moon and stars to his planet:)

  7. Such a sweet story. And when you come out of hiding, from behind that wee baby boy, and when the hormones settle done into a rhythmic groove - you won't feel quite so panicky. Praying trust will grow and grow, that you will know he is there.for.good.

  8. lovely. don't worry lady, it's hard to tell which way is up right now. I was re reading some of my more pregnant blog posts, and I was sobbing hysterically over candied apples. Or something. However, feelings are important and I don't want to dismiss yours. They make your words beautiful. I'm praying for you.

  9. You know how to make a story come full circle, and girl? A woman doesn't love a man the way you love yours if you aren't being loved well. This you must rejoice in without even hesitation.

  10. I love your words here. Just so real. I love your story and the way you weave it all together. Thank you! Visiting from Amber's.