Hope Until There Is No Hope

I hope my loved ones will understand: I don't have the energy to explain over and over what's happening. If you don't care to read all the details, here is the short answer: my doctor is concerned, but all hope is not lost. I'll have a second blood test, today. We should have those results on Monday. Please keep praying.

Now, here are the details for the rest of you.

The first date of my last menstrual period (LMP) was October 18. I took a home pregnancy test on November 18, and I got a positive result. I know these things with absolute certainty.

My doctor's office scheduled my first (8-week) ultrasound on Wednesday based upon the date of my LMP.

On the ultrasound, we could see clearly a gestational sac and yolk sac, but no fetal pole or heartbeat. My doctor said there are two possibilities: that I'm not as far along as I thought, and it's simply too early for us to see a fetal pole and heartbeat; or I have a blighted ovum (i.e., the pregnancy is not viable), and I will miscarry.

My doctor sent me to the lab to have my blood drawn and hormone (hCG) level checked. He promised to have more information based upon my hCG level and its correspondence with the ultrasound images. He called this morning. My hCG level was really high on Wednesday: 21,000. With this number, he said, there would normally be a fetal pole.

However, all hope is not lost. As I've already written, I'll have a second blood test, today. My hCG level should be significantly higher than what it was on Wednesday. (We'll know by Monday.) The number can rise even when something is wrong. But--if my number is higher, today, than it was Wednesday--I'll have another ultrasound next week.

Please keep praying. The waiting and wondering is, obviously, very hard. We are choosing to hope until there is no hope.

Before my positive pregnancy test, I heard God say to me: "Thank me for your baby." So that's what we're doing, and that's what we'll continue to do: even if we never meet this baby, this side of heaven.