I feel so happy in this moment and almost a little guilty for it (given the situation with your mom), but just: you'll never know how conflicted I felt about homeschooling the little kids, and for how long. Sometimes I flip-flopped from one hour to the next. Even if I managed to lean one way for an entire week, I didn't have peace, and I didn't understand why...especially because I was really praying.
My pro and con lists were almost the same length, and I could write them out for you, but truth is: all the cons stemmed from self-doubt. I didn't know if I could do it, and maybe I can't.
I never thought to ask God to send you home (I wonder why; you'd worked from home before Char and Chip were born, and that had been good for us), but--when you told me you'd be working remotely starting May 1st--I remembered all over again: God sees me. He knows who I am, how I am. He knows what I need.
Your job keeps you hopping (or talking and typing). I don't see you much during the day; you're holed up in the office you put together in the corner of our bedroom. But that's okay. I don't need you much during your work hours. I need you during what used to be your driving hours. I need you to help this morning hater get the day started, and I need you to help me shut the day down.
You'd struggled to understand why I'd been so very...done by 6:30, so I was touched, today, when you said: "I have a whole new appreciation for what you've been doing around here, and I'm sorry I haven't been more supportive." All this time, that's what I've wanted: not so much for you to do anything as for you to see me. Now, you do. Or, at least, you hear me. And when a little person gets particularly unruly downstairs, your voice booms down from above like the very voice of God. I had no idea how much I needed that little bit of reinforcement.
I'm not too proud to admit: I don't know if I can homeschool the little kids. But I know we can. I have so much peace about it, now. What a gift to have you home.
I love you.
**writing in community with Amber and Seth Haines