Thursday, February 6, 2014

Once Upon a Time: A Marriage Letter

Dear Jim,

Once upon a time (or twenty years ago, come September), we took an ethics class in the Center for Campus Ministry. Dear Dr. Hewitt--God rest his soul--broke our class into small groups for the purpose of discussion, and you were in my group, sitting across from me. I remember my turning to watch him write on the white board: philia, eros, agape. Then my turning back into the fire of your eyes.

No one had ever looked at me like that, before, and I could see straight to the hungry but honest core of you. It lit me from within, the lightning-strike knowledge of who you were and what you wanted, but I was twenty. I wasn't ready.

For months, we circled one another like boxers in a ring, and it comes to me now: I provoked you from the start. I've always brought out your wild and bellowing: maybe because I've always held something back, just a little something or another you've wanted. You will think of me. You will come back for the more.

I'm nothing if not defiant.

The other night, we were lying tangled in the marriage bed, and I asked you why you love me. Your sigh rattled deep in the giant, rib-jutting cage of your chest, as from against your very heart. "Don't take this the wrong way," you said, "but I don't know. It's like I don't have a choice. There's just something inside of me. I have to have you."

You and I, we can count on eros even when agape eludes. Bone of your bone, I am. Flesh of your flesh. Your other (not better) half.

I do love you.


**writing in community with Amber


  1. I sooooooooo love this! I wrote on your last post and it didn't come thru. I did say....."Miss Brandee, it is official I am having Brandee withdrawls, I miss you! You not only have broke yourself from facebook but now I find not as much reason to go there when YOU ARE NOT THERE! So, glad to see you when you post. You went MIA for much too long.

    This post pulled at my heart strings. He's a good man, and I love that he 'doesn't have a choice in loving you he just has to have you' . I love that!

  2. Sigh. Beautiful letter.
    At the end of hard days, weeks, seasons...that being able to count on something even when everything else (even ourselves) are working against us is a powerful and wondrous thing.

  3. What a sweet letter...and what a stunning glimpse into your heart...

    You know, we have been taught to so carefully segregate the agape from the eros and philia. Looking, though, at how God pursues us, and to what lengths He has gone to secure our salvation and draw us into intimate relationship with Himself...that is Passion! If that's agape love, then agape love is a passionate love.

    Thank you for sharing this, Brandee!

  4. And I do love this letter. Thanks, Brandee.

  5. oh Brandee..your words are so beautiful! A very precious post...