Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Necklace


Fifteen years ago, in Dallas, I approached a well-respected tattoo artist about a wedding ring of ink. He shrugged, said he didn't tattoo fingers because of their constant exposure to the elements. He went on to say: most people don't get the touch-ups finger tattoos require, and their faded ink reflects poorly upon the artists.

I'm sure I could've found someone to tattoo my finger but didn't pursue it further, and thank goodness, because the marriage ended. My ex-husband's band felt heavy in every sense; I wore it infrequently while we were married, and (no surprise) never, after. It brought a pretty penny when I sold it, a few years ago, for gold.

These days, I wear my wedding ring like I wear my flip-flops, which is to say: I slip it off when I'm in the house. This means nothing except that I prefer bare fingers for washing dishes and children, for preparing food, for sleeping.

As a matter of respect, I try to remember to slide that ring back on before leaving the house, but I wear jewelry best, it seems, when I can forget it's there. I prefer necklaces, and--over the course of my lifetime--there have been a long line of them.

I think of the one my mom gave me from my infant brother: candy-looking hearts on a chain, from Avon.

My dad presented a slightly older me with a gold heart, an opal heart nestled inside it. "I keep your heart inside my heart," he said. After I'd grown, he replaced that necklace with the heart of white gold I wore on my (second) wedding day.

While my beloved and I honeymooned on St. John, he bought me a silver book on a chain. The pages inside, engraved by Kathy Bransfield, bear the last stanza of William Ernest Henley's "Invictus."  We hear the tapping of those silver pages and return to a hotel room by the Caribbean Sea.

I have two necklaces that celebrate my children on earth, and the one I wear, typing this, memorializes my child in heaven. 

I write in necklace places and feel lighter: like I'm wearing a necklace and not a millstone. I scatter and scratch and spill and vomit words on pages and know: I will not drown, today. I have said everything I need to say.

**Sharing with Amber, Emily, and their communities.

19 comments:

  1. love this idea. i have long since stopped wearing my ring. not out of disrespect, i just never wore it at home and then i always forget to wear it outside... i wear a necklace of my son's thumb print almost every day. I am way more a necklace person as well. so glad you wear these necklaces are light around your neck today friend.

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  2. I'm the exact opposite...I hardly ever wear a necklace, I don't really like having things around my neck. If I take my ring off though, I feel rather naked. lol Hope you are having a great one! Love ya girl!

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  3. I feel naked without my wedding ring. But, I guess after 30 years it would be that way. I'd LOVE to get into the habit of wearing necklaces. My husband has bought me some beauties. I'm glad you've found a touchstone for your memories. I think we all need them to remember where we have been.

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  4. Undone by the one you wore while typing this, dear Brandee.

    I have the necklace my mom wore on her wedding day, and which my sister and I each wore on ours as our "something borrowed."

    I'm glad that tattoo artist had some scruples. Truly.

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  5. it is nice to have those memories...never really been one on jewelry...have the wedding band which only comes off if i got poison oak...smiles....did wear a washer on a leather back on my wrist for a bit....symbolism there...

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  6. "I'm wearing a necklace and not a millstone. I scatter and scratch and spill and vomit words on pages and know: I will not drown, today." love it!

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  7. Aren't we all such funny creatures? I have to take my rings off at night, but feel naked if I leave the house without them. I'm glad you never had that tattoo and sad about the necklace you have on today.
    Oh, and thanks so much for your encouraging comment today.

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  8. "I'm wearing a necklace and not a millstone. I scatter and scratch and spill and vomit words on pages and know: I will not drown, today." love it!

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  9. I've always wondered about tattooed wedding rings. Always seemed like such a good idea to me, but touch ups? ouch.

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  10. 'i will not drown today.' oh yes.

    (i've long wanted a tattooed ring, and even more so lately--but this touch up thing is bad news. i'm leaning in the DIY sharpie direction.)

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  11. This is Oh So Tangible. Thank you so much, Brandee. I'm really glad you're doing this.

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  12. hmmmmmm you know me and my BLING....... I was asked to take off all of my rings, earrings and bracelets when I went snorkeling last year....my arm looked "funny" without my bling, not just naked, but deformed.....

    I have just started to wear an occasional necklace and / or anklet but like them..... for wearing and interchanging ......while my other "stuff" is part of me....each one symbolizes a relationship or an event....and like you my children that are not on earth

    :)

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  13. Love the imagery in how your first wedding ring was heavy in every way (although sad), and how you wear a necklace and not a millstone.
    You have touched on some deep and significant pieces of yourself through this abstraction.
    Such a revealing, intimate look at your heart and your journey, Brandee.

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  14. I can relate to your necklace's having symbolism for you. I have several pieces of jewelry that do the same. So glad you didn't get that tatoo btw.

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  15. hi Brandee,

    thanks for giving us a peek into your life...jewelry is like a tangible memory holder...for me, I always wear my wedding ring except at night

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  16. This is really beautiful, Brandee. I love your storytelling, the symbolism, this connection between the jewelry we choose to wrap about us and the words we reveal to the world. Thank you for this offering to us all.

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  17. I don't always wear my wedding ring either, for the same reasons you say here. Also, I'm afraid I'll lose it while feeding the calves or picking vegetables. I lost my YHWH ring that way.

    Another note: You're a good writer. You really have a strong, vibrant voice. I appreciate your ability to express a message through story -- the ability to show, not tell. Not everyone can do that. You can.

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  18. LOVE this piece, girl. some of your best writing here.

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  19. What a beautiful remembrance. I have a silver charm on a charm necklace - and that reminds me of my little girl in heaven:)So glad you found your soul mate:)

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