Friday, March 15, 2013

Can. Could. Might.

I was eight years old and kneeling on my bed in a nightgown when I asked Jesus into my heart. One minute, I was alone in my dark bedroom; the next, I wasn't. It might have been scary in the context of a different story, but this wasn't scary. My heart felt flooded, suddenly, with light.

At the outset of my Christian walk, God seemed really close. Close enough to be in the room. Close enough to be tucked behind the breastbone of an eight-year-old girl. But, over time, I don't know what happened: I started thinking of Him as God who parted the Red Sea.

He is God who parted the Red Sea, of course, but He's also God who goes with me. Sadly, for most of my life, it felt more like His eye was on me from a great distance than that He was beside, or within.

Only in recent years have I drawn close to God again. I feel Him in the room. I feel Him in my heart. I talk about Him all the time, and I talk to Him freely. He feels so near that, sometimes, I almost forget how large He looms. Yesterday, I looked up at the sky and all its clouds, and in awe, I thought: God made that! He's bigger than that!

God is trapped in neither my room nor my chest, and He's the same, today, as ever He was (Hebrews 13:8). He's still the God of miracles!

Someone explained to me, recently, that miracles no longer occur like they did, once: that God will heal miraculously through doctors, but not instantaneously in the way He used to, through Jesus's and the apostles' laying of hands. My stomach flip-flopped.

I came home and studied enough to know that--while I've never been Charismatic or Pentecostal per se--I stand among the Continuationists and not the Cessationists. Even though speaking in tongues, prophesying, and faith healing are outside my comfort zone, I would never be so bold as to suggest they don't occur legitimately in this age.

When God doesn't heal somebody, it's easiest, I think, to believe He won't heal anybody. Certainly, it would be easier for me to accept that He won't heal anybody than to believe He can and/or will heal some people in this age but has chosen--all these many times I've touched and prayed over my brother--not to heal my person.

But I believe the harder thing. I believe God can heal my brother in an instant, and I believe He could, and I believe He might. I don't know why He hasn't, and I've hurt deeply in recent years for this very reason. Still, no one can take it away from me: my belief that He can, and could, and might.

In the meantime, we work with a neurosurgeon.

"Have you seen him?" I asked my sister-in-law, today, nigh about 6:30.

"Oh, I'm with him, now," she said. "He's in and out."

At this point, my groggy darling heard her and asked for the phone. "Hi, Sis," he said. "I'm ok."

"A lot of people were praying, today," I told him.

"Yes," he said. "That's why I'm ok."

"That's why I'm ok, too," I said.

"Yes," he agreed, and I knew we were both thinking of that other time. "We serve an awesome God," he added. "We really do."

(That awesome God can. He very well could. And He just might yet.)

Jim and Charleigh, My Brother and Clementine. December.

8 comments:

  1. What a profound and thought-provoking piece. Thank you for sharing your journey, your view of God and the wisdom of can...could...might. This blessed me, Brandee.

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  2. I get it when you say....it's easier to believe for someone else as in your brother.

    Your faith, prayers, this is what gets you thru.

    So glad to hear your brother is on the mend shall we say? You love your brother well.

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  3. Praying still, Brandee. Grateful to read these words.

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  4. I was able to check out of a hospital this morning we got into a nonprofit housing unit what is directly across the road from the doctors offices and hospital the I will be going back to for my other surgeries on appointments god is so good the hotel we were staying and was 18 miles away and that's only 18 miles the distance of the state of oahu hawaii. my next appointment is on Tuesday and they will turn on the nerve stimulator and make sure that it is working properly from there they will schedule my final surgery to install the rechargeable battery under my skin so the I don't have any extternal devices. I'll gain a few more scares during these procedures but I know but there nothing like the scars but my Savior bore for me on the cross where they crucified him. I am so happy to have a savior who is not in a manger , he's not on the the cross, his body doesn't lie in a tomb!!! He is risen and sets on the right hand of. Please continue.to pray for me! My body is weak but my faith is untested because of JESUS. P Pplease feel free to post this on your page and share the good news.

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  5. I was able to check out of a hospital this morning we got into a nonprofit housing unit what is directly across the road from the doctors offices and hospital the I will be going back to for my other surgeries on appointments god is so good the hotel we were staying and was 18 miles away and that's only 18 miles the distance of the state of oahu hawaii. my next appointment is on Tuesday and they will turn on the nerve stimulator and make sure that it is working properly from there they will schedule my final surgery to install the rechargeable battery under my skin so the I don't have any extternal devices. I'll gain a few more scares during these procedures but I know but there nothing like the scars but my Savior bore for me on the cross where they crucified him. I am so happy to have a savior who is not in a manger , he's not on the the cross, his body doesn't lie in a tomb!!! He is risen and sets on the right hand of. Please continue.to pray for me! My body is weak but my faith is untested because of JESUS. P Pplease feel free to post this on your page and share the good news.

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  6. Glad for the update. Still praying.

    Just yesterday I was listening to a Bible teaching podcast and the preacher said that for him personally, the testimonies from people who did not receive miraculous healing but persevered in faith through really hard stuff anyway and shared how God strengthened and comforted in the middle of the mess. . . For him, those testimonies provide much deeper encouragement for his own struggles than the ones where God did intervene miraculously. I'd never thought about it in quite that way, but those are the testimonies which help me most too. Just knowing that gave encouragement and hope for my own non-healings.

    Of course, I still want your brother well, and I still want to be well myself. But for today, that preacher's thought helps me through.

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    Replies
    1. You're so beautiful, Christina. And strong. I love you so.

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