I was supposed to see my doctor at noon, yesterday. I bathed and dressed the girls and put shoes on their feet. I got myself ready, too, and changed and fed Baby Chip. I buckled him into his infant carrier by the front door and went to the hook where I knew I'd hung my keys.
My keys were neither on the hook nor in any of the places I could think to look for them. To add further to my frustration, I knew Jim had already left work to meet me, and--since he doesn't carry a cell phone--I couldn't call him.
It was exactly the sort of situation apt to drive me ape. I'm a terribly impatient person: do you know this about me? I've been known to yell and even--when especially provoked--throw things.
Guess what?! I have two toddlers who yell and throw things. Perhaps (since my older son has never really yelled or thrown things, also since my daughters exhibit additional bad behaviors that I don't) this has little or nothing to do with me; still, I feel convicted over my lack of control. So, yesterday, I forced myself to remain calm.
Here's an interesting truth: I exhausted myself, working so hard at remaining calm. When Jim got home, I took Baby Chip and went to bed.
Fast forward many hours (keys found, girls in bed--after a long battle--for the night). I decided to play a video game. Now, I'm not a gamer. But Jim bought me L.A Noire for Christmas, and I was excited to try it out.
Oh my word: what a terrible decision! I was supposed to be a police officer, but I couldn't drive the patrol car at all. I'm not even kidding! I kept weaving all over the road...backing into buildings...hitting other cars. My partner kept swearing over my inability to drive! Finally, I looked at Jim and said (with as much calmness as I could muster): "This isn't fun for me. I can't even deal, right now."
What I wanted from my husband was a hug. Maybe even a badge, pinned to my shirt, that said: "I KEPT MY COOL IN HELL." Instead, I got his frustration over my frustration. I continued to refrain from yelling and throwing things.
And I stopped driving that car. Obviously, I wasn't meant to drive anything with wheels, yesterday.
ya know, we are a lot alike. Last month I spent the 30 minutes looking for my keys and finally left with Daniel's spare. It ruined my entire day. The worst part was when Daniel called to tell me that my keys were in Caleb's halloween candy. I left them there while I was raiding the stash. I too throw things. Especially when the hubby's away. Toys mysteriously disappear when I step on them. And I sometimes assume That if i tell my children to do something and they don't respond right away, that they will do so if I YELL LOUDER. LOL :) Glad you reigned it in yesterday though. love you.
ReplyDeleteI cried when the Hubs took both his car keys and my car keys to work on the day I had a dr. appt, and I didn't even have anyone to get ready but myself. You deserve a badge of honor.
ReplyDeleteHow incredibly frustrating!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you...
Kudos for reining it in, Brandee! But I can't even imagine how tired you must have been at the end of that day. OUCH. The only game I can manage when I'm stressed, tired, bored is solitaire. I can't hurt anyone, or have anyone get mad at me in a game that's designed for just me. :>)
ReplyDeleteUs guys aren't very patient with impatient women. Sorry. We just don't always help in that situation.
ReplyDeleteI adore you. I just adore you.
ReplyDeletehug....i am glad you made it through a tough one...sounds like it kept building on you....deep breathes, deep breathes...smiles.
ReplyDeletebut you drove words here~ maybe not meant for wheels that day, but words, yes. Words you drive just right:)
ReplyDeleteOh, friend, I feel you! Thank God that His mercies are new every morning!
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking about you lately -- sending prayers and hugs your way.