Tuesday, December 4, 2012
I was supposed to see my doctor at noon, yesterday. I bathed and dressed the girls and put shoes on their feet. I got myself ready, too, and changed and fed Baby Chip. I buckled him into his infant carrier by the front door and went to the hook where I knew I'd hung my keys.
My keys were neither on the hook nor in any of the places I could think to look for them. To add further to my frustration, I knew Jim had already left work to meet me, and--since he doesn't carry a cell phone--I couldn't call him.
It was exactly the sort of situation apt to drive me ape. I'm a terribly impatient person: do you know this about me? I've been known to yell and even--when especially provoked--throw things.
Guess what?! I have two toddlers who yell and throw things. Perhaps (since my older son has never really yelled or thrown things, also since my daughters exhibit additional bad behaviors that I don't) this has little or nothing to do with me; still, I feel convicted over my lack of control. So, yesterday, I forced myself to remain calm.
Here's an interesting truth: I exhausted myself, working so hard at remaining calm. When Jim got home, I took Baby Chip and went to bed.
Fast forward many hours (keys found, girls in bed--after a long battle--for the night). I decided to play a video game. Now, I'm not a gamer. But Jim bought me L.A Noire for Christmas, and I was excited to try it out.
Oh my word: what a terrible decision! I was supposed to be a police officer, but I couldn't drive the patrol car at all. I'm not even kidding! I kept weaving all over the road...backing into buildings...hitting other cars. My partner kept swearing over my inability to drive! Finally, I looked at Jim and said (with as much calmness as I could muster): "This isn't fun for me. I can't even deal, right now."
What I wanted from my husband was a hug. Maybe even a badge, pinned to my shirt, that said: "I KEPT MY COOL IN HELL." Instead, I got his frustration over my frustration. I continued to refrain from yelling and throwing things.
And I stopped driving that car. Obviously, I wasn't meant to drive anything with wheels, yesterday.