Saturday, January 17, 2015

'Tis So Sweet

I haven't known what to share for what feels like forever. When I write that, I mean it: I haven't known. I puzzled over it for awhile; I couldn't figure out why, having written through so much for so long, I was suddenly at such a loss.

But I know, now: I haven't trusted my feelings, lately. I seem able to write any feelings I have as long as I trust them, but I don't always, anymore. It's related to counseling, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing; in fact, I think it's a good thing to step back and say: yes, I feel this way, but should I? Is my perspective fair? Am I seeing this situation from all sides and for what it really is, or am I seeing it only through a flawed lens?

And I don't think I'm being unfair to myself, because I don't trust Jim's feelings (or anyone else's) any more than I trust my own. I think the truth transcends feelings. I suspect that, most of the time, the truth sprouts in middle ground...or maybe on some distant plain no one can see in his or her shortsightedness.

I may not trust my feelings, right now, but I think it's important that I write: I trust Jesus; I do. I think He does good work in me when I'm in a state of discomfiture. I know He hears me. I know He sees straight through to the heart of me. And just like the old hymn says: I've proved Him over and over.

Things are not always well between Jim and me, but I believe they will be because we want them to be, because we're working on it. I would say that, otherwise, things are very well. I'm deeply encouraged in our homeschooling journey with the little kids. Maybe I'll write more about that, soon. I want to write, too, about our little dog and how I know she's meant to heal just one more broken place in my heart.

Oh, for grace to trust Him more!


  1. I love what you did with the photo of clementine and lucy. I trust you.

  2. Yes - this feels similar to where I am lately. Different journeys, similar feelings, same trusting.
    Also, that is one of my favorite hymns.Somehow I sang it through sobs during my miscarriage. I sang it in the NICU to my babies. I sing it on rough days and easy days. Oh for grace to trust Him more.
    Love you, friend!

  3. One must follow their feelings, and always question them! I do it all the time. Add in a little prayer, and you can always find the path. Sometimes, that means stepping back. I can identify with this post.

    Peace <3

  4. I get this, bigtime. BUT - it's also good to write about how you don't quite trust yourself, so I'm glad you tackled it a bit here tonight. The work you're doing is GOOD work and will have long-lasting impact on you and your marriage. Good for you, Brandee.

  5. Oh Brandee, we sure are cut from the same cloth, my word for the year happens to be 'trust'. I need to do this more, I have a lack there of. I hope we can have a phone date soon. I understand your trusting, even Jesus at times. When He is so worthy of all of it. I plan on writing about it, like you, I'm not trusting of my thoughts right now. (smile, snif)

  6. 'Truth transcends feelings' - a great quote. Trust is tough. Loved reading your stuff Brandee. Found you through Ollie (Humbucker Poems) - stop by any time this year - doing 365 posts in 2015. Keep on writing! Matty

  7. Thank you for honesty, Brandee. I can resonate with some of what you've said here, and see that some days in my life. Hang in there, you and Jim. You can do this. I humbly recognize those feelings some days too. While I don't know your story, I know mine. One verse that jumped out at me this month that I have been repeating is "God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything." Isn't that hugely comforting? It was to me. It's from I John.

    Sincerely nodding, appreciative of your honesty here, and not trying to white wash it or fix it, just listening...
    Jennifer Dougan

  8. So true true. You know, I feel the same...I'm going through something right now that I'm struggling to find the words for. I want to be real, but I'm afraid that scare everyone off! You are not alone dear friend {{hugs}} Loving you for you xo