But I know, now: I haven't trusted my feelings, lately. I seem able to write any feelings I have as long as I trust them, but I don't always, anymore. It's related to counseling, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing; in fact, I think it's a good thing to step back and say: yes, I feel this way, but should I? Is my perspective fair? Am I seeing this situation from all sides and for what it really is, or am I seeing it only through a flawed lens?
And I don't think I'm being unfair to myself, because I don't trust Jim's feelings (or anyone else's) any more than I trust my own. I think the truth transcends feelings. I suspect that, most of the time, the truth sprouts in middle ground...or maybe on some distant plain no one can see in his or her shortsightedness.
I may not trust my feelings, right now, but I think it's important that I write: I trust Jesus; I do. I think He does good work in me when I'm in a state of discomfiture. I know He hears me. I know He sees straight through to the heart of me. And just like the old hymn says: I've proved Him over and over.
Things are not always well between Jim and me, but I believe they will be because we want them to be, because we're working on it. I would say that, otherwise, things are very well. I'm deeply encouraged in our homeschooling journey with the little kids. Maybe I'll write more about that, soon. I want to write, too, about our little dog and how I know she's meant to heal just one more broken place in my heart.
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
I love what you did with the photo of clementine and lucy. I trust you.
ReplyDeleteYes - this feels similar to where I am lately. Different journeys, similar feelings, same trusting.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that is one of my favorite hymns.Somehow I sang it through sobs during my miscarriage. I sang it in the NICU to my babies. I sing it on rough days and easy days. Oh for grace to trust Him more.
Love you, friend!
One must follow their feelings, and always question them! I do it all the time. Add in a little prayer, and you can always find the path. Sometimes, that means stepping back. I can identify with this post.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
I get this, bigtime. BUT - it's also good to write about how you don't quite trust yourself, so I'm glad you tackled it a bit here tonight. The work you're doing is GOOD work and will have long-lasting impact on you and your marriage. Good for you, Brandee.
ReplyDeleteOh Brandee, we sure are cut from the same cloth, my word for the year happens to be 'trust'. I need to do this more, I have a lack there of. I hope we can have a phone date soon. I understand your trusting, even Jesus at times. When He is so worthy of all of it. I plan on writing about it, like you, I'm not trusting of my thoughts right now. (smile, snif)
ReplyDelete'Truth transcends feelings' - a great quote. Trust is tough. Loved reading your stuff Brandee. Found you through Ollie (Humbucker Poems) - stop by gravenrecords.blogspot.com any time this year - doing 365 posts in 2015. Keep on writing! Matty
ReplyDeleteThank you for honesty, Brandee. I can resonate with some of what you've said here, and see that some days in my life. Hang in there, you and Jim. You can do this. I humbly recognize those feelings some days too. While I don't know your story, I know mine. One verse that jumped out at me this month that I have been repeating is "God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything." Isn't that hugely comforting? It was to me. It's from I John.
ReplyDeleteSincerely nodding, appreciative of your honesty here, and not trying to white wash it or fix it, just listening...
Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com
So true Brandee...so true. You know, I feel the same...I'm going through something right now that I'm struggling to find the words for. I want to be real, but I'm afraid that scare everyone off! You are not alone dear friend {{hugs}} Loving you for you xo
ReplyDelete