Lest You Think It's Picture Perfect

I have some fun photos and stories to share from Charleigh's birthday weekend, but I haven't had the time, energy, or will. And it dawned on me, earlier: I don't want to be misleading. Ever. I don't want people to look in at my life and think it's oh-so perfect or that I'm perfectly happy all the time.

If you're interested in the truth, I'll give it to you. Here's the truth: in the last few weeks, our Internet and the power steering on my minivan have gone out. My cell phone, the washing machine, a shelf in our refrigerator, and the coil pack on Jim's truck have broken. A skunk has sprayed the outside of our log cabin, and we've killed a mouse and a snake...inside our log cabin.

I'm working through old issues, new issues, marital issues, parenting issues. I'm trying to establish balance: figure out how to teach the girls; get them to dance/gymnastics; keep up with Cade, his school stuff, and activities; take care of the baby; beat back the piles and dust bunnies in my house; pray and do the things God wants me to do; and be good to my loved ones, including those at the adult home.

Maybe because I choose to read, write, photograph, and explore/travel (with the children, but sometimes over cooking or cleaning), more than one person in my family has suggested that I'm spoiled. Someone even suggested recently that I'm narcissistic. I don't know how this can possibly be true of an utterly dedicated mother of a thirteen-year-, four-year-, three-year-, and ten-month-old, but there you go: sadness, a source of mine.

And then...the voices that chime in and say: count your blessings; it could be worse. I know that. I have friends whose children have flown from this world. I have a friend whose little daughter is battling cancer. I have a close childhood friend battling leukemia. My older son's stepmother has been unwell most of this year. My own brother has been unwell to varying degrees for nine years. I go around and around with the Lord over these very things, oftentimes in the middle of the night. I believe He wakes me to pray. In the shadows I ask Him: why do You wake me to pray only to deny my requests? What sort of work are You trying to do in me?

It doesn't make it easier to know other people have it worse. It just heaps guilt (And sometimes fear: oh my lands, I can barely put one foot in front of the other now; what if it gets worse?) upon the rest. Who am I to complain?, but it's still hard. Life is hard. IT'S HARD. IT'S HARRRD!!!

Monday, my real-life friend Beth wrote this post (You should read it: click here!) asking, ultimately: why is it that you cannot be replaced? And honestly, I couldn't think of a single reason, so I stared at the screen and cried. Like, I had been beaten down to the point that I had no earthly idea.

But today I called Marlece. She prayed over me, and I took a nap; now, I'm strong enough to say: of course I cannot be replaced.

• No one else knows my children like I do, having grown them within...then breastfed them from my body for four years, five months and counting. 
• No one else will take zillions of photos of them.
• No one else has my words for them. 
• God selected me for my husband, despite our struggles. 
• I am my parents' only daughter and my brother's only sister, and I haven't been perfect, but I've sure enough been dedicated.
• The Erins need me, and Rachel. The others might not need me, but they'd miss me (especially Christy, Sharon, and Anjie) because no one else does adventure like I do: tons of kids, crap falling out the minivan right and left.
• Who else cares so much about tacky lights, blow mold, giant fiberglass sculptures, and roadside America?
• Who wants to challenge me in the cookie-baking department? Really.
• Who else is going to break Miss Joyce out of that place and take her to the science museum and zoo?
•  And who else is going to pray those same, old unanswered prayers if I'm not here to do it?

Oh, y'all. It's not perfect, no matter how it looks in photos. Most of the time, it's a big ol' hot hoopty mess. People be yellin' and runnin' amok in the Good Will, and sometimes I just want to put my head down and cry. If it were a job, I'd quit, some days. But it's not a job: it's my life. It's hard, but it's my life, and I claim it over and over because I cannot be replaced.

Photo by Anjie Kay

Photo by Anjie Kay

Photo by Rachel Huff

Photo by...One of the Snyders...

Photo by Bridget Maxey

Photo by Harriet Stone

Charleigh Turns 3

Our red-headed ninja turned three. It happened so fast, but at the same time, she's had a three-year-old spirit for the longest: so articulate and communicative. So in control of her body. So deep.

She spends great quantities of time on her head and possesses an element of physical aggression and force. She's our !: the climb, the jump, the running tackle, the squeezing-fierce hug of our family. She's compact and thick, weighing more than one would guess, and it's muscle; her calves bulge. For all these reasons, she'll try gymnastics this fall, leaving dance--at least for now--to her sister.

She's always loved water and will undoubtedly swim before Clementine. She delights in being dropped in deep and kicking up to the surface.

Her physicality, however, doesn't overshadow her femininity. She demands to wear "curtsies" (skirts) and protests over shorts, pants, and oftentimes, even over dresses. She knows how she wants to look, and the more bling, lace, tulle, feathers, heels! the better.

Birthday Bling

She whips all of us in Memory, and in general I'm impressed with (and relieved by) her new-found patience for the traditional card and board games the rest of us enjoy.

She's also become more tolerant, recently, of the things Clementine loves best: animals, giant costumed things. As proof, here are some more photos from Charleigh's actual birthday:

But Charleigh is so different from Clementine in almost every respect. I mention this only because I continue to find myself surprised, sometimes. I appreciate each daughter so much, but for entirely different reasons.

This Charleigh: she's our curl and freckle, our mischievous grin. Happy third birthday, Baby. Thanks for shining on us.

Prayer Meeting of the Blogosphere (6)

Welcome to the sixth, old-fashioned prayer meeting in this space. I almost didn't write it. I feel like I hardly know how to pray for myself in this moment, let alone anyone else. I'd ask if you know what I mean if I didn't already know you do.

I don't think any of us is a stranger to discouragement.

My dad preached Sunday, which was a bit unusual, but among us, he was the best man for the job. He and Mom had left their camper and campground for our cabin and campground, and he opened his Bible. We opened our ears, and just like that, it was church.

Dad preached out of Job 38 (KJV), in which God--through a series of questions about nature--illuminates His power and Job's powerlessness, His wisdom and Job's ignorance. Dad challenged us to imagine God's creating treasures of the snow (v. 22) and making paths for lightning (v. 25). He talked about how Job 38 has given him peace about not only his theological differences with fellow Christians (because none of us has all the answers) but also about God's control over and understanding of who he (Dad) is in all of his intricacies.

We talked about distraction, and I shared: I feel like it's Satan's greatest weapon against the church. It's certainly Satan's greatest weapon against me, as part of the church. I have a lot to say about this and may expound, later, but for now I'll offer a prayer:

Heavenly Father, I come asking You to help me use my time and energy wisely. Help me to remember: my time and energy are gifts from You and important resources for Your Kingdom. Make me a force of and through priority. Help me not to become unnecessarily distracted by the pontificating of others, social media, unimportant tasks, perceived wrongs against me, or a failure to release concerns into Your capable hands. I ask the same on behalf of my brothers and sisters reading here. Thank You for going with all those for whom I pray regularly. Help me to trust You better and more. In Your Son's name, amen.

Now it's your turn! Would you like to participate in an old-fashioned prayer meeting of the blogosphere? Here are some ideas:

• You can pray about my prayer request.
• You can share a prayer request by means of a comment.
• You can share a prayer request on your personal blog and direct me to your post by means of a comment.
• You can pray about a participant's prayer request.
• You can write a prayer about my, your, or someone else's prayer request (in comments hither or yon, on your blog, etc.). If your prayer is somewhere other than this place, please direct me as you can and will.
• You can join in praying my or someone else's prayer.
• You can share an update regarding a prayer request you've made here, in the past. 

Thank you again for being here, and I hope to see you next week, if not before.

Prayer Meeting of the Blogosphere (5)

Welcome to the fifth, old-fashioned prayer meeting in this space. I'm so glad you're here and that we can come together in this way! I'm not going to share any specific prayer requests, today (Those I mentioned before stand!), but instead, offer a prayer for the new school year:

Heavenly Father, what a busy time of year this is for so many of us. We and our children are learning at home, in public school, in private school, in technical school, in college, etc. Some of us feel the pressure more than others. Help us to take a deep breath and enter this school year calmly and with peace.

I pray foremost for Your protection, Lord; I think of the school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary, last year, and know I'm not alone in battling fear over my children's safety. Place a hedge of protection around us, our children, teachers, administrators, bus drivers, etc.

Help us to be good learners, Father, and to fulfill joyfully whatever roles You have for us in our various, educational environments. Help us to support and encourage one another, and all for Your glory. In Your Son's name I pray, amen.

Now it's your turn! Would you like to participate in an old-fashioned prayer meeting of the blogosphere? Here are some ideas:

• You can pray about my prayer request.
• You can share a prayer request by means of a comment.
• You can share a prayer request on your personal blog and direct me to your post by means of a comment.
• You can pray about a participant's prayer request.
• You can write a prayer about my, your, or someone else's prayer request (in comments hither or yon, on your blog, etc.). If your prayer is somewhere other than this place, please direct me as you can and will.
• You can join in praying my or someone else's prayer.
• You can share an update regarding a prayer request you've made here, in the past. 

Don't be alarmed if I don't post your comment or respond right away; my computer time will be extremely limited until Tuesday evening. Wednesday would be a great time to check back! Thank you again for being here, and I hope to see you next week, if not before.

12 Things I Learned in August 2013

1) One of the very nicest things a husband can do for a stay-at-home-mom of a wife is to take sick days when she, at last, goes down. Jim took two sick days, this month, so I could rest and recover.

2) My aunt Doris and I have musophobia in common, among other things. I love reading her blog Motherly Advice from Nin. You can check it out here.

3) I watched several good! movies this month, including The Place Beyond the Pines and (at Byrd Theatre) The Great Gatsby. None of them excited me as much as Safety Not Guaranteed. I could kiss it on the lips. It's Brandee like The Wizard of Oz, Big Fish, Sliding Doors, Stardust. It's so Brandee that I want everyone I know to watch it and, one by one, call me up to talk about it. I LOVE Safety Not Guaranteed. It's free on Netflix; watch it (and call me up)!

4) Speaking of Big Fish, it's a new Broadway musical. I'm already planning a romantic weekend in NYC with my man: early next year, after I've weaned the baby. Oh, and do you know The Wizard of Oz will be released for IMAX in September? (I learned that prior to August but thought I'd mention it, anyway; I can't wait!)

5) Circus on PBS is totally worth watching.

6) From the Metro Richmond Zoo (and doubled-checked online, because the zoo doesn't always get it right): Galapagos tortoises can live up to a year without eating or drinking and, in the 1800s, were stored below ship decks--alive and on their backs--as a source of human food. Isn't that sad?

7) From the news: to watch out for "sliders"; for my own protection, to disable geotagging on my cell phone; and--gross!--about a sea snail's hatching inside a kid's knee.

8) My dad invented a handy-dandy gate latch. $15.99. Do you need one?

9) From Sandra Heska King: the words "silent" and "listen" contain the same letters.

10) From Julia Prentice: the Little Spotted Kiwi of New Zealand is nocturnal and kicks to protect itself. The girls and I were looking at a picture of it in their Visual Encyclopedia of Animals, and they wanted to know if it pecks (no) or bites (no). Instead of running an Internet search, I asked Julia. I love that I have a sweet sister in New Zealand, now, thanks to blogging...and Jesus.

11) This flower, which I photographed at the state park, is a passion flower. It has its own, beautiful legend revolving around the crucifixion of Christ.

12) I learned a lot about William Branch Giles upon visiting his (private) former home The Wigwam. Later the same day, I stumbled upon this wonderful website, which includes photos of all Virginia's historical markers.

Charleigh, Horseback Riding at The Wigwam. That's my beautiful friend Elizabeth leading the horse.

Clementine, Horseback Riding at The Wigwam.

I'll eventually link this post at Emily Freeman's Chatting at the Sky; I think she'll publish on Friday?, but I post prayer meetings on Fridays, so I'm writing my list, now. To read twelve things I learned in July 2013, click here.

A Guest Post by My Rising Eighth Grader

 A Guest Post by My Rising Eighth Grader

I'm doing this blog post because I have to in order to get my stuff back. These things are my phone, Kindle, iPod, and video games. The reason I don't have them is because my final grade* in English was a C.

At first, I thought I had gotten all A's and B's because I got a certificate from the school saying I did. But it was a mistake because when the report card came it had the bad English grade** on it. So all of my stuff got taken.

I was also forced to read a book with Mom.*** It was even worse because she called it the "Mommy and Me Book Club."

I learned that Mom keeps her promises when it comes to punishments, and I learned that if it happens again it will be worse. So this year I'm going to get all A's and B's so this won't happen. Hopefully I won't ever have to write a blog post again.

***

Notes from the Mean Mommy

*We found out the first week in July and took away the aforementioned items right away.

**C in English is only a bad grade if 1) the student is in a TAG (Talented and Gifted) class for English, having displayed giftedness in this area, 2) the student has earned the C based sheerly upon his refusal to complete homework, and 3) the student's mother--who possesses an M.A. in English--made herself available to assist on a daily basis.

***I gave the book 4 out of 5 stars: Adele Geras's Troy.

Prayer Meeting of the Blogosphere (4)

Welcome to the fourth, old-fashioned prayer meeting in this space. I appreciate your being here, and I've been comforted in knowing I've had company in praying about some of the things heavy on my heart. It's been such an honor and privilege to pray for some of you, too.

The people for whom I've asked prayer in previous weeks still need prayer. My brother will return to Baltimore in early September; it seems the new nerve stimulator is a bit out of place and therefore not controlling his back pain. And although there's been marked improvement in terms of one of her symptoms, my friend's doctors haven't yet agreed on a diagnosis and course of treatment.

I imagine that--if I'm a little discouraged--so are they. I keep reminding myself: God's thoughts, ways, and timing are different than mine. I'm choosing to continue to pray. I hope you're choosing the same: even if your prayers haven't been answered, yet.

Let's just keep praying. Together.

Would you be so kind as to help me pray ahead and over September 6th? My brother will see his doctor in Baltimore that day, and my seven-year-old friend Jaimie will have surgery that day. Jaimie has a rare form of cancer. Of her surgery, her dad wrote that it "includes a clinical trial procedure which has some significant risk [but] gives [...Jaimie] the most significant chance at long term survival." 

Heavenly Father, thank You so much for every single person who's taken the time to visit this virtual space and pray. Thank You for bringing us together from so many different, physical places; You are so good to make this prayer meeting possible, and I know You hear us; thank You. 

Father, I lift up September 6th. I ask You to be with my brother, little Jaimie, their doctors, all the healthcare professionals attending them, all the people who love them. Heal; comfort. 

Help us to be bold and persistent in our prayers, Lord. Help us not to grow discouraged. Help us to trust that You care about every detail of our lives and all the things that frighten and hurt us. Thank You that--through the blood of Your Son--every victory is ours. We just have to live our way into it. I love You and pray in Jesus's name, amen.

Now it's your turn! Would you like to participate in an old-fashioned prayer meeting of the blogosphere? Here are some ideas:

• You can pray about my prayer request.
• You can share a prayer request by means of a comment.
• You can share a prayer request on your personal blog and direct me to your post by means of a comment.
• You can pray about a participant's prayer request.
• You can write a prayer about my, your, or someone else's prayer request (in comments hither or yon, on your blog, etc.). If your prayer is somewhere other than this place, please direct me as you can and will.
• You can join in praying my or someone else's prayer.
• You can share an update regarding a prayer request you've made here, in the past. 

Thank you again for being here, and I hope to see you next week, if not before.