Showing posts with label Cade. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cade. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 29, 2019
Waiting by the Berry Bush
This blog will be nine years old in less than two weeks, but it has been well over a year since I've written anything new in this space. Cade asked me about my writing, recently, and I think maybe that's what I needed: for him to ask. I think I've relied on his interest in my writing more than I'd realized; I think, as fellow creatives, we've nudged one another forward for a long time, and when we didn't (or couldn't), we both struggled creatively. I did, at least.
But what I told Cade when he asked about my writing is also true: that for awhile, his plot line was the most engrossing one in the story of my life, and I didn't feel free to write it; patient enough to somehow disguise it; and certainly not inauthentic enough to avoid it in my writing. I still don't.
Imagine the two of us, though, in the very back of our new yard where, at dusk, the bunnies slip from a blackberry bush to taunt Lucy the Beagle. Lucy is a hunter's reject, but maybe she's been healed in our home, as I witnessed her chasing a rabbit just two days ago. At any rate, imagine it: Lucy has darted around Cade's feet and out the door, and almost five years into our relationship with the dog, we all know her bright heart; we know she can smell her way home, that she will return if she can. But we don't know most of our neighbors (or their dogs), and there's no area code on Lucy's collar; we know no one who might find her could guess it. Meanwhile, cars zip by on Old 109.
Cade is especially close to Clementine, and Lucy is Clementine's dog. Clementine is struggling with the move more than the rest of us put together, and she's in the house sobbing at the thought of losing her one. last. friend. At the back of the yard, I recognize Cade's discomfort, although most of you wouldn't; he's quiet, as always. He could be a rabbit, himself, for the way he holds himself alert and listens for the bay of the dog, looks intently into the brush for the white tip of her tail even as I have settled down in the grass, to wait.
"Do you think I should go in after her?" he asks.
"No," I say gently, "it's not a good idea. There are sure to be snakes in there."
"Don't you care about Lucy?" he snaps, uncharacteristically. "You don't even seem upset."
"I care," I say. "I'm praying. Are you praying?"
"Yes," he says quietly, "I am."
Much later, after the dog is safely home, after Clementine has stopped crying and gone off to sleep along with her younger siblings (and Lucy, exhausted by her great bunny chase), Cade and I sit quietly among our books. "You know how, earlier, I didn't get as upset as you'd expected?" I ask him.
He looks up and nods. His great, grey eyes search my face.
"That's what parenting you has taught me," I say. "It's taught me not to get upset until I know there's something to get upset about. Papaw tried to tell me, but I had to learn it for myself. Parenting you has taught me not to make things worse by getting upset. It's taught me not to waste my energy. It's taught me that--when you're out of my hands--I need to wait and pray for you to come safely home, that maybe you will, that maybe everything will be okay."
Cade nods again, slowly, and holds my gaze long enough for me to know he knows. Then he turns his eyes back toward his book. The chemistry between us is right; it is what it was for 17.5 years and what it wasn't for two years, and in a nutshell, what I really want to share is how I understand more, now, about beauty from ashes than I ever did, before. About David's Ziklag. There were moments in which I honestly didn't know if we would survive, and you want to believe I'm being melodramatic, but even if you've been close, you haven't seen through my eyes. It has only been by God's hand that we have made our way, here, to this good place; it is a mighty hand.
I can breathe, again. Maybe even write.
Thursday, January 25, 2018
To Cade, on Your 18th Birthday
Dear Cade,
Walt Whitman wrote in an 1855-56 journal entry: "Understand that you can have in your writing no qualities which you do not honestly entertain in yourself. Understand that you cannot keep out of your writing the indication of the evil or shallowness you entertain in yourself. [What you love, think, grudge, doubt, etc....] will appear by what you leave unsaid more than by what you say. There is no trick or cunning, no art or recipe, by which you can have in your writing what you do not possess in yourself." I have carried this quote with me since before I carried you, and I have waited to write certain things (about my story, not yours) because I want the heat to be gone. I will not write certain things in anger, and I will not try to write them around anger because it's impossible.
What I really want to tell you about the Whitman quote, though, is I think the word "children" could almost be substituted for the word "writing." It's not a perfect analogy; still, in reading Genesis, we have an airplane's view of some of the earliest people, and sad to say, they run together a bit. They're all the same. Each generation seems to make the same mistakes as the generation before.
The seventeenth year of your life will go down in history as the year in which I learned: you didn't fall far from anybody's tree, either. I guess it had seemed for about 17.5 years that you miraculously embodied all of your dad's and my positive qualities and none of the especially negative ones. But the negative qualities are there, too. You are--for the most part, for good or ill--your dad and me thrown into a bag and shaken.
Here's the bad news: you are imperfect. Sinful, even.
Here's the good news: you know your dad and me. We, your parents, have been 100% present, so you know our weaknesses, mistakes, sins. Surely you can do a bit better than we have done. Surely you can do a bit better than you have done.
Here's more good news: if you read Margaret Atwood's "Happy Endings," you'll see that ease and perfection don't make for a particularly gripping story. Also, Enoch. "[He] walked with God: and he was not; for God took him" (Genesis 5:24). There's not much more to Enoch's story. Admittedly, he fathered Methuselah and a bunch of other kids; otherwise, what a snooze. There's not much of a plot when there's no trouble.
And here's the best news of all: Jesus.
I love you. I haven't fallen far from anyone's tree, myself. I am like your nana: I love my children without condition. There is nothing you can do or say to make me stop loving you. Also, I am like your papaw: I have my convictions. I will neither support your terrible decisions nor play pretty with anyone who does or means you harm. I have pressed further into my own character over these painful months. Don't you remember Liz Rosenburg's Monster Mama? We read it over and over when you were a little boy; we knew it by heart. "I am your mother, even if I am a monster."
I have been your "fast-moving freight train" for eighteen years. I am weary. I recognize that it's past time for boundaries: that you must learn to take care of yourself. I pray you'll be fearless like Patrick Edward; "use your powers for good, never for evil"; "remember that strength is for the wise, not the reckless"; and be proud and defensive, always, of your mother.
Happy manhood. I love you. What have I said. What haven't I
said.
You know where to find me.
Mommy
Sunday, January 22, 2017
To Cade, the Week of Your 17th Birthday
Hello, Son. I can hardly believe that, in one year, you'll be considered grown, although I'll admit: your face looked different to me, again, today. It wasn't just the way your chin's been reshaped by orthodontics, either; it was some of the other bones in your face, also the matter of facial hair. I wish there were no need to replace your glasses because your eyes are lovely. They look like my eyes and especially as my eyes did twenty-five years ago (I've always liked my eyes), only with more generous lashes: your dad's. Why do the boys always get the good ones. It's not a question, really; I'm just writing.
I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm just starting to figure things out, and you're practically grown, and I'm sure I've screwed up sixteen million things. I am somewhat comforted because we can really talk and because I seem to be the person you want when your heart is broken. That thing I do where I enter your pain: no one taught me that, at least not the easy way, so I do feel inclined to take credit for it, to pat myself on the back for that one small thing. I think it's nice how sometimes we can count on getting right the things our parents screwed up most. You'll probably be clean and faithful; I'm glad, relieved.
I'm glad we share so many interests: that we have an honest-to-goodness plan to read 100 classics together in five years, that we're both serious as a heart attack about it. I'm glad we have music in common to the extent we do. I loved our Christmas together more than ever I have: our mutual awe over the Mighty Wurlitzer and every second we put into our own performance. I was proud that my son was the one playing and singing, and especially that you were proud to be playing and singing with me.
Thank you for never being embarrassed of me, or at least, for never letting your embarrassment show. If ever you were to shrug me off in public, I would cry for a million years. Thank you for knowing that and choosing not to do it. I know you make concessions to protect my mental health. (I really am aware, Cade.) Thank you for calling if you know you'll be late. Thank you for never even dreaming of joining the military or police, even if just to keep me out of Tucker. I'm grateful.
I know the church thing wears you out, at points. You may look back on it with resentment, but Son. You have to know I'm all in: that I'm just clinging to Jesus. And if that's true--at the very worst and even if I'm dead wrong--I am all the time just trying to make sure you know where to find me.
Last point. Even though, in my weakness (which is at points extreme, I will admit), I bye felicia-ed you as you were getting out of the minivan, yesterday, there's no one in all the world whom I love more than I love you. You are my treasure and will always be.
Mommy
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Untold Story #21: St. Petersburg Murals
Usually, I admire the murals of St. Peterburg, Florida from afar, as my friend Erin posts photos of them regularly. I'm not a mural person as much as I'm a fiberglass-statue person, but I do like murals, especially because they remind me of Erin...and Anjie...and Becky.
You're sure to have noticed: I'm always on the lookout for things to do for free or very cheap, and Erin is very much my soul sister in this regard. We'd much rather have ten (or more!) cheap adventures than one expensive one. I would guess that a homebody/nester--provided that (s)he's on a budget--is much more likely to save up for that one special something, but Erin and I are in a different category. We need to go and do as much as possible, even on a limited budget.
Checking out murals is free, and I enjoyed seeing some of St. Petersburg's in person. Bonus: I think all the kids (ages 3-16) did, too.
You're sure to have noticed: I'm always on the lookout for things to do for free or very cheap, and Erin is very much my soul sister in this regard. We'd much rather have ten (or more!) cheap adventures than one expensive one. I would guess that a homebody/nester--provided that (s)he's on a budget--is much more likely to save up for that one special something, but Erin and I are in a different category. We need to go and do as much as possible, even on a limited budget.
Checking out murals is free, and I enjoyed seeing some of St. Petersburg's in person. Bonus: I think all the kids (ages 3-16) did, too.
Friday, October 21, 2016
Untold Story #20: Yoder's and Siesta Key
When my brother and I were kids, Aunt Ellie bought him a copy of Harold and the Purple Crayon. It was his favorite, and it was one of my favorites, too. It's a little story I carry with me, and I thought of it while we were in Sarasota, because...pie. I bought two pies (Florida Key Lime and Peanut Butter Cream) from Yoder's Amish Restaurant, and we ate pie, sea-side, for dinner. That's all: just pie. There were eight of us, and we ate a lot of pie, but there was pie left over (and neither a moose nor a porcupine in sight), so we asked a couple near us if they'd like to have the rest. They were so excited. They promised not to waste a bit, but instead, to pass on any leftover pie.
Cade looked at me and whispered: "Mom. That was awesome."
Siesta Key was more populated than Honeymoon Island had been the night before, and Cade and Sam sort of took off to do their own thing. But then they came back jogging, panting a bit, pointing, talking excitedly. Evidently, down (up?) from the rest of us, an aggregation of manatees had swum through. Nearby swimmers had been cautious, at first, not knowing the source of the activity, but they relaxed upon realizing it was manatees. Cade and Sam had swum out and with the manatees, actually touching them. What an unexpected delight.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Untold Story #18: Ringling Estate
On our second day in Florida, we visited the Ringling Estate in Sarasota, and my greatest regret is that I didn't photograph the outsides of the buildings, as the photos I took don't prove the stateliness of the place. Cade and Sam visited the Museum of Art; the rest of us opted to tour the Circus Museum and (some of the) Bayfront Gardens only.
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| Howard Bros. Circus Model |
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| Interactive Galleries |
| Along the Midway |
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| Flower Pounding at the Museum |
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| Flower Pounding at the Museum |
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| Banyan trees. I was reading, today, that oral history indicates that Thomas Edison gifted thirteen banyans to John Ringling in the 1920's. |
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| Ringling Burial Site |
The Ringling Estate is way more sophisticated than I'd expected. I'm glad we visited and would like to return when my little ones are older.
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