***
Dear Brandee,
Your son’s just started high school. I can just see that
first day. He’s all ready to go out the door, catch the school bus: back-pack
stuffed with school supplies, water bottles, - not lunch because he wants to
try their lunch, to see if it’s different. . . better. His back pack isn’t
heavy, yet. There’s room for books, but not as much room as he’ll realize he
needs.
You probably watched him walk to the bus, like independence
on training-wheels, that walk up to a doorway to a new era.
You’re more left behind than ever. You can’t walk him out,
stand with him like you did in the primary years. You can’t just pop into school
to see the teacher at the end of the day to pick up nuggets and morsels of
what’s really going on.
Hands-off time has begun – kind of like on the cooking
competitions you see on t.v. when that
buzzer rings, hands fly off – and up.
He pulls himself up through those bus doors that will take
him to a school where everything is possible – booze, drugs, PDA, friends who
lift up and those who pull down, teachers who encourage and discourage,
believers, non-believers – it’s all in there.
. . . . and you just let him go. . . .
When you just let him go, remember the other back pack – the
one you can’t see – that soul back pack that you started filling the day he was
born.
It’s a bottomless back-pack containing everything he’ll
need. You’ve filled it with God’s word, a power supply that works anywhere,
love, encouragement, motivational speeches, stories to inspire, maybe even a rebirth certificate so he knows
to whom he belongs. God’s filled it, too – with spiritual gifts, love languages
– and a plan.
It’s a back-pack that is designed to fit lightly, easily,
like the second skin to the soul.
But God designed all children differently. Some will wear that
back-pack always. Some will set it down, walk off and leave it. Some will empty
it out and fill it with other things. Some will use parts and pieces of it.
Why? Because each of us is designed differently. We meet God
differently, take different pathways to Him. Some children, teens and adults
are coachable and make those connections between what you tell them and how it
applies. They don’t have to experience it to believe mentored cause/effect.
Some do have to experience life to understand cause/effect.
Coachable? Not yet. They need hands-on
experience about why bad is bad and good is good. They’ll pull everything out
of their back-pack, re-evaluate it time and again – and, eventually, faith
realized, they’ll put the good stuff back in.
You can put the same exact thing in each child’s soul back-pack – but they all won’t treat it the same. Some of your teens will go into high school coachable, utilizing what you filled their soul-pack with. Some won’t.
That’s when mothering is the hardest.
Don’t think you’ve failed if they set that back-pack down,
empty it out. God’s not surprised. He knew they would have to learn by
experience. He’s the designer, after all.
The hard part of parenting a teen is that it’s more
hands-off than on. It’s letting them take control of their souls – and the soul
back-pack.
Remember, there’s a no-fail response in every
soul-back-pack. God put it there.
Like the cooking competitions when the buzzers ring –
hands-off - hands-up.
. . . . that’s right – lift holy hands to a Father who loves
your teen even more than you do, raise them high for intercession – and in the
raising of the hands, give each challenge, each bad moment, God’s got it – and
He won’t drop it!
And, if your son sets that back-pack down, God knows where
it is and will help him find it.
If your son’s emptied everything out, God will help him find
all the good stuff that was in it, too.
While you’re praying, on the hard days, ask God to allow you
to see your son as He sees your son.
See him as God sees him because on some days He’ll need some
who can when he can’t. See him in the faith and hope of God’s plan.
Be, Friend, like the centurion, who asked Jesus to save his
servant (Luke 7:10) – who interceded on behalf of his servant for him to be
saved – Have that kind of trust.
Be like the Canaanite woman, who interceded for her
demon-possessed daughter (Matthew 15: 21-28) – have that kind of faith
Be like the father, whose son was a lunatic and ill – who,
even the disciples (church people) didn’t quite understand how big God was yet,
who Christ healed – who encouraged us to have the faith of a mustard seed so
that mountains can be moved – and broken people healed (Matthew 17:14-20).
As you take your hands off, Brandee, lift them high – and if
they get heavy in the midst of a great battle, like Moses against the Amalek,
know that God gave you friends Aaron and Hur who will help you hold your hands
up in prayer so that the battle can be won. (Exodus 17:10-13).
Brandee, you’ve filled your son’s soul-back-pack the good
things, the God-things. It’s an independence-with-training-wheels time. You
have to trust God – hands off - and up!
***
Maryleigh is a wife of 31 years, a mom of 5 sons ranging in
ages from 28 to 13. She is a seeker of solutions to challenges, the perfect
white cake recipe, the washer of the Blue Cotton Blanket, trying to raise sons
to be strong, manly men who love God and show the love of Jesus Christ to
others through their words and actions. Trying to live grace and joy through
the journey, she writes at her blog Blue Cotton Memory.
