Here We Go Again

Aunt Anita smiles and says: "Let's go see some Christmas lights. I'll ride with you." We climb into my red, 4x4 Ford F-150 and drive onto gravel and into dusk. I struggle in keeping my truck on the road; it keeps veering left, then right. Aunt Anita doesn't look at the road; I feel her gazing lovingly at my profile. "You're driving really well," she says.

"I don't feel like I'm driving well at all!" I tell her.

"You're driving really well," she repeats. "You're doing a great job."

I told Jim about my dream Saturday morning, and, Sunday morning, Rev. Hutton read from I Samuel 30. I knew his choice of scripture wasn't random: that it was for me, from the Lord. Rev. Hutton doesn't know about my history with the story of David and Ziklag: how--during a Beth Moore study a few years ago--God used its words of restoration to heal a broken place in my heart. No one knows.

I took a pregnancy test Sunday evening. I don't know why. I'm a test taker, and, probably, I had David in the back of my mind, not to mention Aunt Anita. (I tend to dream my loved ones in heaven only when I'm pregnant.) I was definitely thinking: if I'm pregnant, I need to know, because I've stopped consuming dairy and meat products.

I tested positive for pregnancy.

The doctor, today, said: "I don't think leftover hCG is triggering the urine tests. I think--based upon your history--this is a new event. It's too early for an ultrasound. I'll order blood tests for today and Thursday to make sure your hCG level is rising as it should, and we'll go from there."

So I'm waiting. Again. Please pray. My doctor says I don't have to modify my Daniel Fast diet until we know for sure.

Wild Orange Photography

Clementine decided to help herself to my camera, today. This is a big no-no, of course, but the photos she took made me laugh, and--lucky for Clementine--that laugh felt like much-needed medicine.

Clementine took twenty photos. I thought I'd share my favorites.

Photo 1

Two funny things about this photo. 1) Neither girl is allowed to touch the "big broom," so Clementine caught Charleigh red-handed. 2) The light coming through the window: can't you almost hear angels singing the hallelujah chorus because someone is finally going to sweep the floor?

Photo 2

I cut and painted Clementine's toenails the other night. She's still so excited over the result. 

Does the above photo seem to be influenced by a certain blogger and photographer who loves to take pictures of her feet? Can you name that individual? Going once, going twice...

Photos 4, 5, & 6

Here we have a box of cereal that Charleigh took off the dining room table and tried desperately to open.

Photo 8

Not bad. Decent shot of Charleigh. Great shot of our log ceiling and the paper chain I've forgotten to take down every day since Christmas.

Photo 9

Charleigh trying to figure out how to get past the gate and upstairs, I think.

Photo 10

Photos 11 & 12

Charleigh in Clementine's Hello Kitty hat (too big for Clementine, also).

Photo 14

Quite proud of this one: clean and folded laundry.

Photo 15

Photo 16

Clementine wishes that I convey: Wild Orange Photography is pleased to meet your graduation- or wedding-photography needs. Enthusiastic photographer with a unique eye. Payment accepted in the forms of cookies, crayons, and Play Doh.

Charleigh Turned 18 Months

Our red-headed ninja turned 18 months old at the end of February. It's so strange to look at her and think: when she was born, Clementine was 18 months old. As my earliest blog posts reflect, I struggled in parenting Clementine at Charleigh's current age. It makes me feel sad to think that--in my exhaustion--I may have failed to enjoy Clementine enough, when she was 18 months old.

Charleigh, at 18 months, delights me completely and utterly. Her love language is (and has always been) physical touch, and she requires extensive cuddling. She's my leg climber and lap hogger. It's a shame she hasn't a reverse beep, because she cracks me up in facing away and backing up until she's close enough to plop into my lap. When Jim kisses me, she scowls and yells: "Mine!"

She has an incredible vocabulary. "Elephant," she says. "Giraffe."

Today, Jim bought the girls ice cream cones, and--after Charleigh's dripped on me--I licked my hand. "Ugh!" I exclaimed. "I'm not supposed to have ice cream! Y'all are the devil!"

"Devil Mommy," Charleigh said, from behind me, flashing her Cheshire Cat grin. Of course, Jim found that hilarious.

Charleigh leans over the sink and spits out toothpaste like an old pro. She dances in a ring, with her arms extended. She eats everything with passion. She's easy peasy. I'm just crazy about her.

With Grandma B.

With My Mom

Talking to Mamaw (Jim's Mom)

With Cade

Lovin' on the Snowman

With My Dad

With Clementine

On Lent. And the Daniel Fast.

I desire to draw nearer the cross: to experience Christ's sacrifice more profoundly so as to experience, more profoundly, the miracle of His resurrection. It should be such a source of joy: Christ's resurrection, but it's challenging, isn't it? to live in joy, sometimes. It's been a long, hard (albeit mild) winter, here, and I want to burst forth into spring, leaving all my disappointments and hurts behind.

So I'm participating in Lent. I've given up my computer during the girls' awake hours, and it's been harder than I'd like to admit. Just this morning, I opened my laptop and played around for a few minutes before looking at Jim, exclaiming: "Oh my goodness! I'm not supposed to be on the computer, right now! Why didn't you say something?" and hurriedly shutting that business down.

Because I've been in the blogosphere less, I've been up in actual books more, and--as I shared with you the other day--I just finished Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker. Batterson writes about fasting as a way to circle something in prayer, also about how he's used the Daniel Fast, in particular, to commune more closely with the Lord.

I'm truly not easily influenced (Just ask my mom, who's been participating in fasts for years!), but I felt an immediate pull to try the Daniel Fast for a couple reasons. First of all, my weight's as out of control as it's been for a long time. Now, before you get your feathers all ruffled, let me explain: I know one shouldn't fast in order to lose weight; however, since the Daniel Fast is a 21-day fast, and since it takes 21 days to change a habit, I'm looking at this as an opportunity to reset my body and change my eating habits permanently with God's help: the only way these things will ever happen.

After the 21 days, I'll reintroduce lean meats and small amounts of dairy. Hopefully not so much giant bowls of ice cream and slices of cake.

In The Circle Maker, Batterson encourages his readers to write down life goals, which is the second reason I'm fasting: I feel led to write down my life goals, and I want them inspired, approved, and blessed by the Lord.

I'd intended to start my Daniel Fast March 1, but--when I told Jim--he got this crazy look on his face and confessed: he'd secretly arranged for Mrs. Darlene to babysit that evening so he could take me to The Melting Pot. So I started my Daniel Fast just yesterday. Not to discourage anyone, but I suffered with a terrible headache all day. At one point, I sent a text message to a friend who participated in a caffeine/food detox at the beginning of the year, asking how many days of headaches. ("Three," she answered.)

Thankfully, I feel great, today. I'm eating plenty of the approved foods and forcing myself to drink lots of water.

Anyway, I'm writing about my Lenten and fasting habits not for recognition, but for accountability. I want to be well in body and spirit, and I appreciate any and all prayers you might offer up for me over the next few weeks.

Clementine Turned 3

Oh My Darlin',

No one's ever been the shock to my system that you've been. Sometimes I wonder if you know--in any given situation--what I expect...and do the opposite so as to keep me in a state of pettifoggery.

You turn even the mundane into a wild ride, and I love you for your readiness to adventure. Together, we scoff at the homebodies with whom we live; you and I, we just want to rock 'n' roll. Especially, we want to roll.

I love how you place your hands one on either side of my face, how the half moons of your eyes shrink into crescents when you smile at me. I love the social force in you and the hints of loyalty I recognize, already, in your warm heart.

I love your imagination and quick wit. I love how you make me--all of us--laugh.

On bad days I wonder if you and I will ever get it right: if you'll want me in the room with you while you labor with your very own baby. For this reason, I'm always secretly relieved when--at tuck-in time--I'm still the only person you want to "squeeze your feet."

Here's to Terrific Threes. Mama loves you so very much: you wild thing, you.

With My Dad

With Her "Birthday Tree"

With "Char"

For My Man, Pt. 2

Dear Jimmy,

I know you love me when I can't sleep: when I flop side-to-side like a hooked Bluegill on the bank, shaking the bed with too much weight on my body and in my heart. I ask: "Do you want me to go?"

I know you love me because you always say: "No."

I lie beside you in the dark, praying prayers like playing scales: up and down, with speed. My mind races, and I cry beside you in the dark, fighting to put what's restless to rest.

I know you love me because you run your hand over my back and ask: "What can I do to make it better?" If it takes talking through to light, you'll do it.

All I ever wanted was for someone to talk to me in the dark...until you took to praying over me, in the dark. You pray into my hair and I know (really, really know): you love me.

Thank you.

Your Wife

Pleased to hold my marriage up to the light with Amber and friends.

What I Learned from Bartending and Waiting Tables

My friend Gabriela and me. Late 90's. Met her waiting tables. Love her to this day.

I've felt challenged by a couple posts I've read, lately, to write down everything I learned from tending bar and waiting tables. It's been a long time, now, since I've done either, but I'm proud to have done both because, honestly? I carry these lessons with me every day, and each of them makes me a stronger force for the Kingdom of God. As you read what I've written, below, I challenge you to consider how these lessons might be applied to a Christian Walk.

• Everyone prefers his or her cup at least half-full.
  
• People are hungry for more than food and thirsty for more than whatever you can pour in their glasses.
• The people in front of you deserve your perfect attention. They've been put there for a reason. But realize:
• Perfect attention isn't constant attention; it's pleasant attention. It's attention with a genuine smile.
• It doesn't matter what you did before or what you do after: if you dump all you carry on someone, it's over. Best not to expect otherwise.
• Some people will run you just to run you, for reasons you'll never understand. No matter how hard or fast you run, those same people will almost certainly fail to give back. Don't allow them to run you to the point that you neglect the others you're serving: people who will give back, if you serve them well.
• Every now and then, you'll be utterly confused and stunned by the ingratitude of others. Don't chase them down; let them go because--no matter what you do or say--it's not likely they'll turn around and throw you a bone of any sort.
• Don't let one bad experience ruin all your other experiences.
• It's much less important for you to deliver the main course than for the the main course to be delivered on time. Be thankful if someone else delivers it hot; you still have the opportunity to make sure it goes down well.
• You can't do it all. If you make a point of helping others when they need it, someone will be there to help you when you need it.
• People with "lesser jobs" matter. Greeters, bussers, dishwashers, etc. matter. Don't look down your nose.
• Honesty matters. If you've messed up, best to say so. Everyone will feel better about the situation.
• Consolidate your resources.
• While you're getting something for someone, ask yourself: how can I serve a second person, right now? Or a third? How can I make this effort pay off for more than one person? In other words:
• View all your tables as the one, big table it is. It's all you, Honey.
• Wear slip resistant shoes and watch your footing. If you fall and seriously injure yourself, you might not be able to work at all.
• People will take you more seriously if you know what the hound dog you're talking about, also if you've bothered to look and smell your best self.
• There's no shame in taking notes. It's impressive to be able to remember an order...until you can't, or don't. 
• Every now and then, you'll find yourself in the weeds at the same time as everyone around you. It won't be pretty, but you'll all survive. (Or, as my great-grandma used to say: "This too shall pass.") Tell yourself that. 
• Sometimes other people will sink your ship and sink it fast. Respond with kindness and respect, but don't pretend like you haven't noticed. Truth in love: it's always the way to go. I refuse to stop speaking my mind; God gave it to me for a reason!

If you've tended bar or waited tables, do you have any thoughts to contribute?